Do we reward ourselves?  Do we punish ourselves?  Or are we paralyzed?  Is it to buy love, or to protect ourselves from no love, or do we not love others, for fear that they will need something from us.  How do we march forward in life with our own private bag of hurts.

First of all we get ourselves into therapy so at least we can face ourselves with a witness to our nonsense; meditate, if that works for you; conscious walking, a la zen; a retreat, alone, without comfort food; write a blog on the Sacred Wound, hopefully each day to dig deeper into this tale of morass and consciousness, elation, anxiety, love.

Money is a hard one.  It is the thing that can change everything about our lives, and yet not change anything inside.  It hides us, and then reveals who we are, seemingly without our consent.  On the top, people open doors for us, on the bottom, we are lucky to be alive, to be allowed to emigrate to America.  I mourn for those who do not have money.  It is dangerous and painful.  But I digress…

Early in life, I was happy with a little, later I wanted a lot, and yet in the back of my mind there is the Protestant Ethic against the accumulation of wealth.  I think that is a cover for those who do not have money.  Then there is the Eastern philosophy of karma, and that we must accept our lot in life, and yet in India the worship of money is ubiquitous.

As a child I wanted to do what I wanted to do for a job, as an adult, I took the job that paid the most.  I feel I made the right choice, but I will never really know.  As I can never know which action I do right now will lead to my dreams or my nightmare…  Then is it true that truth is in God’s eyes.  I have come full circle to discriminating the wisdom of surrender.  but with Ben Franklin chirping in my ear.  Early to bed, early to rise.  I will still not go to a movie in the middle of the day.  Seems slothful to me.  I must work and strive to be a better human being–even in play.

…but I digress–how do I tie that into the Sacred Wound.  The Wound is the revelatory device that God uses to awaken us is to heal the many large and small wounds hiding deep in our body and soul.  The time mother ignored me and gave a bigger birthday party to my brother…The time I flunked out of school and had to work as a dishwasher before I got on my feet again…When my boyfriend hit me…The car accident…Jilted…The Christmas I screwed up…The losses.  We they really mine at cause, or was I just standing still for the boulder to run over me.  Am I perfect in truth, or am I responsible for Evil.  Is it in me because I still read People Magazine, secretly enjoying some big-boobed’s hardship.  (I am working on trash mind, soon I will be perfect.)

Heal, forgive, even tell yourself it will be better.  I have learned my lessons.  Maybe ask the Universe for permission to have those things that even you don’t believe you deserve.  Get through your own blocks, as we all know, everyone is working on their ‘thing’ simultaneously.  In the Koran, if I am interpreting correctly, Allah forgives one who asks and repents, for Allah has already exacted the price of the sin.  We have already paid the penance.  That is so humbling empowering, and a blessing.

It is a full circle healing–the uroboros.

Each step we take to the Wound willingly and enjoy the view from this hill is a good step.  Think of the Fool in the Tarot.  He is the One who steps off into the Unknown to search, to leave his safe space at home.  He lets go–Does he step off into Danger or does he move into his New Self. Gurdjieff moved his students every 12 years to a new country, where they did not know the language, had no applicable, formal skills and dropped them off to fend for themselves.  Some became ‘Street Dancers, clowns, actors, musicians’, anything just to eat and have a place to sleep.  How much must they have grown, and developed empathy, respect, personality, character.  They let go of the material world to become  Masters of their circumstances.  Can we say Whole Human Beings.  Blessings.

My premise is that the Sacred Wound or Wounds is our Blessing to embrace throughout our Life.  Embrace and Conquer.

The worse the conditions of life, the more productive the work, always provided you remember the Work.–G. Gurdjieff